Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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