sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
