I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
