Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
