Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
