Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
