woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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