His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
