i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
