dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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