brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
