Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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