ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
