You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
