Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i barfeds in our rink
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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