i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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