..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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