I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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