Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
