I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
