i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
