Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
