i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
