You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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