I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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