I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
