I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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