Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
