I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
