my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
