An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
