Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Mom said you looked used
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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