I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
