I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't put those talents on a resume
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
