filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
