He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
