I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
