batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
