Cold hands, warm shart.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
