I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
