She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
