Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
