READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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