I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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