My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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