His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
