after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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