I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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