my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
