I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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