a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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