Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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