I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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