I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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