I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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