We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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