ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
