i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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